


Love locked away in the heart

by APHBrussels



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Complicated Relationships, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 15:17:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11785866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/APHBrussels/pseuds/APHBrussels
Summary: Two countries with a rough past and a rough past with each other end up falling in love. Their main concern is that the other won't return their feelings. Will they confess or will the love be locked forever?





	Love locked away in the heart

Japan was sitting around the meeting table, like normally did next to Switzerland who had complained again that he had no opinion of himself and that he would hit him of agreed on one more thing again.

The Japanese was not in the mood for something like this today, he wasn’t in the mood for this meeting even but since he is a nation he has to attend these. They say that they are important for the future of his country. Yet to him it felt that the meeting between their bosses was a little more important since they actually manage to get something done from time to time.

 

He was here stuck with a bunch of either complaining nations or people who coudn’t stand someone in that room and happend to have their seat next to them, it is a very unorginized bunch of idiots that is for sure. He didn’t like all the fighting in the meeting room and today with the small head ache and the upcoming cold, it wasn’t the most pleasant meeting.

 

Switzerland may have noticed that since he was acting off when he told him to get an own opinion. Most likely since he hissed at the man to leave him alone since he was not in the mood for any of this. Japan tried to shut all the noise of the meeting out with thinking about something else.

 

He tried very hard since he really needed the peace, but the noisy nations in the room didn’t sound like they would shut up any moment. He could leave though but that seemed way to out of character for him and it would rise questions by the others and he didn’t feel like answering those at this point.

 

Also for the fact that he may would get scolded by his bosses for leaving such an important meeting. Though they had never seen what kind of choas really went on in this room. They may not hate their past enemies anymore because they weren’t there when it happened, but he sat here with people with who did and still hate the people for what happend.

 

He places his head on his right hand and looked at the fighting nations in the room, he could allready tell who were fighting since it were always the same nations who just couldn’t wait to half murder each other.

But it kept the island nation busy since there wasn’t really anything else than watch people fight and other trying to stop them so that we could continue this meeting. Their effort was useless and they knew it themselves. They would not stop fighting unless they would be knocked out or Germany shouted the whole room to shut up.

But this time that would not happen since Germany was sick, according to what I heard from Italy he had a very high fever. Japan had thought that the German was lucky that he wasn’t here for a little but felt a bit bad since that was actually very mean of him. Germany was his friend as well and he didn’t want him to be sick, it was just that he was so fed up with all of this that he couldn’t help but thing that the German was so lucky that he wasn’t here.

But the raven haired man knew that the blond would know that as well. The younger nation was tired of the whole thing that goes on during the meetings. As if they hadn’t enough work, they had to deal with this too.

Now you can see how much this room depends just on one person to keep the sanity in here. It is weird that you take these things for granted and than miss them when you realise that they aren’t there.

This was that the German actually made this room a bit more livable since it was for like someone was reaching for his troath the whole time, he felt sick when there was to much noise in a room.

He blamed that he had been isolated for so many years, he was sure that if that hadn’t happend that he would have been able to survive a meeting like. Well now that he thought about it maybe it would even be hell if he hadn’t isolated himself from the world in the past.

He looked over at the Briton and the Frenchman that were across of the table. They looked like that if they would kill each other if they had any weapons with them. But since the building didn’t allow any kind of those things they had to do it with throwing several insults at each other.

From the looks on their faces it didn’t look like they really minded that they only were able to throw simple insults at each other. It was a thing that the two have been doing their whole life and Japan wondered why they hadn’t become tired of it yet.

You would think that after so many years you would grow tired of it and just move on or at least run out of things to shout at each other. As far as the Japanese has witnessed the two didn’t seem like they would grow tired of it very soon.

He sighed and looked at the Briton who was sitting directly in front of him. He was paying to much attention to the argument to notice that he was being looked at by Japan. They had been close friends in the past but some events that he rather would not recall have change that.

Though that their friendship was over didn’t mean for the Japanese that he wouldn’t stop loving the blond Briton. He couldn’t even if he really wanted to, it was something his body and mind has set themselves on and that he couldn’t do anything against.

He has finally found something that would shut the noise of the whole meeting out. Japan would think about the man who had managed to steal his heart so many years ago, without him really noticing. The sneaky pirate that the Briton was.

He started to think about the things that he could do with the Briton and a smile appeard on his face at the nice thoughts that came into his mind. What he could do with the other island nation made him happy just thinking of it.

The whole ordeal in the background was gone for him since his mind started to get lost in the things that came into his head while he was thinking. It were not only innocent things that came up in his mind. Thoughts that he never though that he would have.

His mind grew dirty when he let his mind go without him controling it. It was an experiment to him to what the Briton would be able to do with his mind if he wasn’t fighting anything that came in to his mind.

What kind of dirty mind do I really have? The Japanese said to himself when he puts his little experiment on a hold. He didn’t want to end up to excited by the thoughts that went through his mind. Since the Japanese was still was in a public place that would not be a good thing and a bit embaracing. He laughed to himself for having this kind of thoughts.

Why would he even love someone like me? There are so many other nations, who are way better and way nicer than me? Why am I still hoping that he will fall in love with me one day if I allready know that it is useless? I know it will never happen, just why can’t I accept it?

“Just why do I love you so much my dear British Empire.” Whitout noticing the Japanese started to talk out loud about his feelings, he realised to late that he was talking to himself. Luckily for him only the last sentence was out loud so even if the Briton has heard it it would not mean that much and he could talk himself out of this whole thing.

Not that he wants to talk himself out of this thing, he would rather tell the other what he felt so that the heavy weight that has been on his chest would finally be gone after many centuries of worrying about it over and over again.

England however had only heard the name he used to be called in the past with. He found it weird that he heard that name and looked for where he thought that it came from. He looked at Japan with a confused look on his face. “Hm what’s wrong Japan?” The Briton said.

Japan snapped out of his thoughts when he heard his name and that from England. He started talking without thing about something to say.“It’s nothing England, no need to worry about me.”

It was very visable on the Briton’s face that he didn’t like the reply he got from the Japanese across the table. It was a very empty answer that was just meant to leave him alone and to avoid the conversation. He knew that since that kind of answers is what has been giving many people over the past years.

He hates it that he shows no emotion towards him, not even a small smile. Nothing that would indicate any kind of feeling. Not even anger or disgust when he looked at him. Which he would have imagined from what had happened between them in the past.

But yet no emotion could be found on the Japanese’s face when he look at the Briton. It annoyed him because he could not see anything of what he would think or if he was still mad at him.

He hates it that he treaths him other than the rest. There is a very little difference between how he acts to other people and to him but he managed to notice that there is a difference.

It annoyed him so much because he didn’t know why he did that. England didn’t know what he had done to get that kind of reaction from him. He doesn’t know what he did that would make the man so upset or agree that he would do this.

Japan avoids him like he is the plague. There was no interaction from the other to be found and when he tried to start a conversation.

The plague has been a serious thing that happened in the past of the continent that he lives on and England wasn’t happy to be compared to it. Not to the disease that he nearly died to.

It had claimed so many lives in his country that he could feel himself grow weaker and weaker with the passing minute. That was the only time that he really felt like he was dying.

And he almost did since it was a very close call. He had ended up in a coma like state and it wouldn’t have taken much or he had died right than and there. Luckily he survived it. He is glad he did but thinking back at what happened still gives him the chills. That is why England wouldn’t want to be compared to that horrible life taking disease.

He hate it that the Japanese does all those things to him and acts like nothing is oging on at all. He hates it so much that he is seen like trash to him. And yet he seems to love that man so much that is sometimes hurts, like he is dying all over again. He didn’t mind though since in a way he didn’t mind dying for the man that say across the room from him.

Not even after thinking of the things that had happend between the two of them, how hurt he has felt because of it. He loved that man, enough to make him forget the anger he had felt and to forget what had happened between them.

He would love to start all over again together with him, a fresh start between them without the pain of the battles that had been taken place. He would want to be able to love the man sitting in front of him.

His arguement with France had long died down since he wasn’t really paying attention to what the man had been saying to him and he honestly could care less about what the other was saying. England had his own things to worry about and the Frenchman next to him wasn’t one of those.

France had noticed it soon and had given op on the argument as well, since now it more looked like he was shouting at himself. France sat down on his chair and looked at the two nations.

Japan stared into nothingness when he started thinking about more things that have happened in the past. It was a very old train that couldn’t wait to leave the trainstation again. In the blink of an eye it started and took off.

He didn’t know why it did, it just simply happened to him while he wasn’t paying attention to what his mind was doing. He saw memories that he didn’t want to recall, hurtfull memories that have been haunting the man for years.

He tried to shake them of but it didn’t go like he wanted to, the train kept going even though he tried to stop them. Something he ended up doing much more these days. He didn’t know why. But he did.

Thinking about the dead of his parents, how he cried back then, the day he gave China the world famous scar and the day he parted from the other Axis to fight further alone. Things that he either didn’t want to remember because of how much it hurts to see those things again.

He was never able to get over the death of his parents since they died so sudden and there was nothing that could suggest that they were about to die. It was a shock when he found them there laying on the floor in the middle of their house.

It was a sick turn that he didn’t expect on what had been one of the best days of his life. Playing and having fun with his parents on a sunny day with no clouds and delicouse lunch. It was a great day and it took a twisted turn when his parents never came out of the house to call him for dinner.

He had been waiting outside for hours when he started to get worried, it was getting dark and his parents still hadn’t called him. It was very unlike them to let that happen. So he went back inside to check and found them dead on the floor.

He had ran away from where he left after their funeral since the memories kept haunting his younger self. That is how he met China, but history would show that he would end up doing horrible things to him and to the people of his country.

He could still see the suffering people, the looks in their eyes and He couldn’t do anything since he had no power do so, he had no voice but he still thought that he should have done something to help those innocent people. Yet he didn’t.

When he had left his friends to continue fighting with his countryn, he felt so horrible from the thing that he had said to them because his boss brainwashed him. Japan was sick, he couldn’t come up with a reason why they would still want to be friends after all that scolding.

He felt so lonely back then. He had no one left toe talk to, no one to feel safe with. Japan felt like it was his own fault that that had happened to him. He had betrayed the people that trusted him and that is what he got for breaking the faith people had in you.

He hated and likes it to be lonely. He liked it because he couldn’t hurt anyone and he hated because it drove him to a kind of insanity, being alone with his own thoughts and the person he had become.

It was scary to him to see the monster that he had become over the years. There had always been a fight of good and evil inside of himself and he didn’t know who would win the fight. It was a fear of him that his bad side would take control over him.

It was not only about himself that he was thinking but also about the person who had his heart in a prison where it could not escape from, how hard he tried it would not help a bit. He was hopelessly lost in the maze of love with no way out of it.

England had been a great empire in the past. The British empire was his name and he had so many colonies. He loved to hear stories that the Briton would tell about the many places that he had been and that he had conquered in the world. That was the reason why he wanted to see the world so badly. Japan wanted to go to the placed he had been told of.

And he had to say that the Briton had discribed the places he had been perfectly. He could imagine the places and when he visited them they really looked like it. Visiting all those places felt like he was dreaming, it seemed so unreal that it really was like he had imagined.

But that wasn’t the only thing his past friend and newfound crush told him about. He also told him about how his older brothers bullied him when he was very little. He told him many stories about things they did to him and he felt bad for him that he had to go through that.

He himself kept himself away from the other children that China would take care of over the years. He was more the person who enjoyed being away from noise and that is what he did as a little kid.It would worry China a lot since it looked in his eyes that he was struggling with what happened with his parents. That wasn’t the case though.

Because he was inside a lot compaired to his ‘siblings’ he didn’t really end up creating a bond with them either. To some extend he didn’t mind that at all since in a way the idea of siblings scared him a little and him being not social at all made him feel uncomfortable around people. That is why he would stay inside on his own, because that is how he liked it.

That is why he liked his isolation so much, it kept him away from how fast and strong everyting was changing around him. He wanted to keep everything like it had been but since to many people were to interested in his country, he opened up anyway.

It completly changed his country but it had also big influences on how he himself would become. If he looked back at it he would actually stunned to see that it had changed him more than he thought it would. In some way it was also for the bad since it made his bad side come it but he prefered not to talk about that, for obvious reasons.

England also discribed the fights he had with France in the past and how they actually came to be. The reason why the two of them really hate each other so very much. At the time of the stories he didn’t know France at all and had never seen him. Meeting the Frenchman was weird experiance for him, because of all the bad things that he had been told.

Though to him France wasn’t like England discribed him, which made it take a while to get used to. He told the man of what he had heard of him and that that was why he acted so odd. Lucky for him he understood what was going on and wasn’t mad at him for it.

He and France grew to be kind of close to each other. They like to talk from time to time, but he also likes to listen to the stories that he tells. Those were most of the time of events in Europe or some nations while they were still young.

Japan was facinated about the history of the small continent and went to learn much about it later on. France had sparked that interest in him. America encouraged him to travel but it was France wit his many stories that made him want to look for the history of the places.

Hearing about some younger nation was something he couldn’t say if he had to be completly honest. He had heard of side of some nations that he never thought of or things that they may not want to show to the public.

France mentioned about it but England also talked about the dead of his parents when he was still very young. Japan felt bad for the man that he had to lose his parents at such a young age but he was kind of happy as well since he had found someone who he could empty his heart to. Knowing that the person he was talking to would understand what he was talking about. They talked about it a lot and they both say that the talking helped them a lot.

 

Japan found it weird that no one had ever noticed his pain, even when the person he loved cried in front their feets. Begging them not to leave him behind. People who saw him crying thought that he was weak or simply to gready to let things go. No one ever noticed the pain that was so easy to spot and no one ever realised how much they meant to the island nation. Would they ever realise how much they mean to him?

What should I do? Should I tell the person I love so much how I feel or do I keep it for myself for more than 200 years agian? To think about it and ask myself the same question again?

The both thought to themselves while they were sitting in the meeting room, thought their minds completly gone from the place they were right now. The two of them didn’t know what to do so they tried listening what their hearts were telling them to do.

What should my heart say that I have to do? Should I really listen to what it says to me? Is it really that good to follow your heart instead of your mind?

They both think and try to listen to their heart. And then they knew for reall that they needed to tell their feelings to the other. The person who they had been loving for decades or what knows even centuries.

One of the many questions that had been in their head the whole time came up to them and it felt like being hit with a brick.

How in the name of God am I going to tell him that I love him?


End file.
